i've been away for a week. and, amazed. not one comment. everybody on here is all about hiv awareness one presumes. here's to dealing with a topic raised by someone who IS actually dealing with HIV situations regarding dating. and nada. not one comment. how utterly odd.

I feel like I'm not sure what you are asking. Could you re-state the request, please? I'll be happy to try to answer.

Well, to be honest, I don't know what to say.
Fear sucks.
I guess it partially, unfortunately, falls on you to try to help educate men as to what the risks are and aren't. Ignorance tends to breed fear. It's hard to necessarily blame them specially for their fear, because HIV is still drilled into many people's heads as that horrible disease you don't want to be anywhere near. It scares them enough to put them at risk, because they won't get tested. It's a bad situation put in place by sex education that focuses on scare tactics instead of risk-assessed awareness.
Why is it so many men are afraid? Well, cause most people, male or female, don't say their status upfront, and people who do are scary, I suspect, because it causes them to reflect on their own lack of knowledge of their status... it's a cycle of fear. You know your status, which reminds them they don't know theirs, which suggests they might be positive too, which terrifies them into wanting to be away from the person that started the squiggly scary feeling. It probably doesn't help that, well-meaning though the campaign is, there are lots of posters declaring that many many people are unaware of their status. People are uncomfortable and scared, so it's easier to avoid the issue by not talking about status at all than to be upfront.
But I'm sure you know all of this already, which is why I didn't say it before. Is there something more detailed you're asking, or do you want confirmation of your beliefs?

I prefer to take as few risks as possible but that being said I take each person as an individual when considering whether I deem it too unsafe to play with them or not, a large part of that being their honesty, knowledge and how they play.

HIV+ may actually be a sign of HEALTH. Antibodies to tetanus and measles indicate passive immunity; i. e., you do not have lockjaw nor measles.

Antibodies to HIV are not clearly delineated as fighting an active infection or retaining passive immunity. ELISA and Western Blot do NOT differentiate.

African-Americans inherit malaria antibodies, which throws ELISA and Western Blot fasle-positive. So do 1st and 3rd trimester of pregnancy. So does the flu. I know of one woman who tested positive 10 times. On the 11th test, negative.

Hallmark testing for the presence of the VIRUS = PCR.

See www.ehivtest.com/products/pcr-test and www.ComplementaryMD.com

I can see you're no stranger to venturing into new territory :-) As you know, often people or ideas in the vanguards sometimes get more rejection or negativity than they deserve.

Your conversation with many people may be the first time they have had an honest communication with someone who is +.

It's perhaps small solace, but your honesty and the fact of having that conversation will, whether they like it or not, help move their awareness forward a notch or two. This probably helps them have the next conversation with the next person they meet, as well as give them a role model for honesty and communication in the event they become positive in future.

And then, some guys just want to get laid as simply as possible, and/or find an excuse to do it without the condom. That degree of shallowness may not be a good match for someone of character anyway.

Luyah

And out of the depths comes the oh so vacant moderator, but I have been closely watching and you seem to be doing fine on your own - but sWitch, you strike home, and now, thankfully, I have something to say.

I to have been +, for over 20 years. It has been a difficult road, and has created some hard times - but these days (unlike the past) I am up front, tell anyone as soon as even a glimmer of something sexual might happen. Before anything starts, I give them the chance to go away - and yeah, many have. Still, some have appreciated thye honesty and explored, but only briefly. After a long while I thought that was what I was destined for - short time lovers, as certainly because of the nasty wigglies inside of me, it couldn;t be long term - there are clean people out there...

Yes, it's extremely personal. It can't help but be for people in our position, but there is no blame - they don't turn away to hurt us, and sometimes, perhaps, it is as hard for them to leave as it is for us to see them go.

That has been the predominant repitition over the years, with few exceptions - lovers for a short time, if at all. I got weary of it, and pretty much gave up the possibility of anything - anyone, lasting in my life. In the brief lovers that I have had, I did my best to educate them - not only in hopes that they would stick around, but for them, as well. In living with this for so long, I was suprised and appalled at how little people know, even these days.

That was the birth of this tribe.

Since then it has cetainly been difficult, and as I said, I had, through experience, resigned myself to being alone - the "woe is me" factor, knowing that there were other wonderful people out there who carried much less risk, and I was nothing more than a brief, exciting adventure - but nothing worthy of anything past that. Regardless of how much I might have matched with a person, there was always that complication...

But the reason I write this is because I have something positive to say.

There is someone out there.

I gave up hoping to find that person long ago, out of emotional necessity - it was just far too much to bear inside, always being let down, but understanding completely why they left or just simply didn't begin. I stopped hoping for that person long. long ago, but recently, something strange happened.

I found someone - or better said, she found me. It began on the internet - actually, on Tribe where she wrote a beautiful response to something I was doing. We talked, online, and as it grew, when it felt like it was getting to that point, I made certain that she knew what she was getting into... Well, at least as far as the virus goes. The rest of me is something else entirely, but - well, sWitch, everything is working out beautifully.

If you're just looking for fun, there are certainly people out there willing to play, and please do your best to educate them - thyey probably need it, and hopefully might spread the knowledge you give them around.

If you'r looking for something beautiful and lasting, I can now say - don't despair. That person just may show up when you least expect it - and honestly, I think it's better not to expect.

Call it trial by fire. If they want to be with you, they will. You have the knowledge to educate them. If it's just a romp in the hay and thay don't value you for anything more than the squishygoodness that was once available to us in so much more of a lighthearted way, then they ain't worth your time.

We have been blessed (?) wih a pretty decent filter for the people we choose to call lovers, or partners, or S.O.'s, or whatever we choose to name the standing - and trust me, though I'm sure you already know this: it takes much more than a body, much more than flesh to create amazing sex. In having those little wigglies inside of us and letting people know about it, we know, without any question, that they really want to be with *us*.

Unless of course they're just incredibly stupid, but hell - we wouldn;t approach them if they were in the first place, would we?

I hope that this said something of value to you, or someone out there. Hells, I'm just learning now that I don't need to forever be alone - and honestly, after so damn long, it's a glorious adjustment to make.

Okay, now I'm starting to babble. I should stop writing...

Thank you for your post, sWitch. I apologize for not responding to it sooner, but I didn't think I had much of value to say - and certainly nothing uplifting.

Now, I do - and it is said.

Love to you, partner in this crazy life of the bad blood wigglies...

You know , I was just siting hear thinking about what you wrote.
I do think it is a trip, that men get so freaked out . Maybe its there lack of knowlege(spelling?), That you are also fine about talking about it?
People have such a hard time with sexual discloser. I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
I have to sit and think about this for a while, and ask some of my co-workers (we work with + clients in the TL)/